This Week...

Such a bizarre week. Between lawyer stuff, work, after-work stuff, girls, Women, I'm just a little tired.

So, I'd like to thank myself for the solid reminder of what it is I'm trying to do here. I'm having a hard time getting rid of guilt over certain things. Things I've said when I've been drunk. Things that happened a long time ago that for no reason whatsoever, popped up in my head this week and now I have this weird feeling in my gut area.

I wrote a song today when I got home from Beebe. It reminds of (and was written for) you. 7 years today and I don't know if I could miss you anymore than I do. I miss your mom too and hope she is doing well. I saw her a few months back and she seemed ok. We don't really talk about you anymore. I think that over the years I've tried to discount my feelings for you by just brushing over the subject with certain people. I would never want to get empathy from a Woman regarding you. How did this fucking post just turn into me talking to you?

I really hope that death is just a gateway. I know a lot of people hold in some form of contempt for even believing in something after death. But fuck them. If I thought that I would never see the faces of all the people that I've lost...I don't know what the point to all this would be. There has to be some point to it other than being a good person. I don't think it's all about what you leave behind but more what you can imagine after.

I'm tired of typing. Right now, I'd like to get drunk, piss off my neighbors by playing my guitar and writing more songs about how much I miss you. but, alas, I cannot do that. I like being nice sometimes.

I do hope that there's enough good in me to make it to wherever you are. You were the best at being perfect, to me. Sometimes I freak over the fact that you'd be 26 too, and how different my life would be if you were here. It really blows my mind.. It LITERALLY makes my head explode. haha.

I think I'm going to post that song with this. Don't want to post it on facebook where everyone would hear it but I do feel an obligation to put it out there somehow, someway. I'm sure if there's a place after death you do know what facebook is. It wasn't around (like so many things) when you were here. You haven't missed a whole lot media wise; Dashboard now sucks, movies are the same. I'm pretty sure you would've gotten into LOST. There's too much to remember to tell you about and I'm still kinda of pissed that this blog turned out to be a conversation to you. But therapy, it is, I suppose.

Love

Oliver.