Please identify yourself.

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I might be thinking about death at any given moment. It's what I do. And I'm good at it. When I was a kid, the thoughts of death were scary. When I was a teenager they were all consuming, stressful thoughts about the fact that I would die someday. Now, I wonder. I wonder about what, if anything, happens when you die. Who I will have been by the time I die. There are a list of things that I want to be able to be said about me. I'm sure my list isn't much different from anyone else's list that may have given this thought. I hope there isn't discord in my family when I die. I would hate to believe that the cosmic powers that be, killed me in order to teach others a lesson. Or maybe it's just that when you die there are always lessons for others to learn.

Maybe the following is spot on. Or maybe it's just an indication of how not self aware and delusional I am.

I want for the people in my life to know how much I loved them. How I would do anything for them. How I didn't take for granted the relationship that I was blessed to have with them. I want to leave this place a faithful man. That the person I give myself to knows that I would have walked in front of a bus to save their foot.

I know I'm weird. I'm sorry. There's nothing I could do about that. I was born telling vagina jokes so I assume if there's a god, it had something to do with my sense of humor.

If the people in your life know that they can count on you and trust you. And you them, there's not a lot else to do. This task has proven difficult for a lot of people. It is easier said than done. Or maybe it's not. Maybe we just don't give much of a shoot anymore.

I don't want to crack under pressure. My life has been riddled with hard times. I want to protect the emotions of those around me. The fact is, unless you're dead, there are hard times ahead. That's just the way it works. If you find yourself without a care in the world, cherish that moment.

There's never a better time, a better place to make things good with your family, friends, etc.

I can tell you for a fact that things left unsaid hurt way more than getting some sort of closure. So make sure you say everything you need to say to everyone you need to tell.

This blog pretty much got away from me. I'm not sure what all this means. It's a mixture of not feeling good and having too much on my mind.

Love.